Just not caring anymore, really.
I love those mornings when you wake to darkness and no one is asking anything of you. You’re under no pressure to exist. This is something of which I am in constant need.
I am the kind of girl that you take home to meet your mom
and she loves me
when you are mean to me
and lose me,
she will ask why I’m not around
did she ever do that before?
I am the kind of girl that you give up the late night text messages
with your ex-girlfriend for
she makes you feel like shit anyways
and the reason why you stopped being on your phone
all the damn time
trying to flirt with someone you hardly even know
to fill a void
but if you don’t drop that for me
I won’t stay long
I’m not the kind of girl
who gets caught in a web
with someone who doesn’t look towards the future
I am the kind of girl who would rather be alone
than with someone who always puts me second (never again)
and I am not to be pushed to the side
I am not an option
I am all or nothing
does that intimidate you?
I am the kind of girl
that makes you wonder why you didn’t look more carefully at the sky
before you met me
you probably trust me
and think I could complete you
(maybe I will)
and the kind of girl who is terrified of you
because she doesn’t know how to let someone in
because I like your mom too and I don’t want
her to text me six months from now saying
it had been a pleasure to know me
and she wishes I was still around
Getting drunk and reading/writing poetry on the back patio
Making love and crashing hard right after
Smoking my way out of responsibilities
Being intimidated by my classes
Coming home to my friends
Getting excited for what the near future holds
I’m just trying to be better for myself in every possible way. I’ve learned that what comprises my efforts is mostly just loving. Everything. Everyone. And saying yes to every great opportunity in front of me and saying no to ones that don’t do anything but stunt my growth.
I’m scared. I’ve been through such an emotional roller coaster this summer… And I just want to be at peace. I want to love and live simply. I don’t know why that’s so hard to do sometimes, but I don’t want this anymore. I want to be better. I want to make things easy by putting in the work to be more for myself.